This is why I Run!

Received this note from my friends son that has Crohn’s Disease, he is only 16.

From Adam:  I wanted to say thank you to everyone who is on Team Adam. From those who sent me jeans when I lost so much weight, to those who sent me cards, to those who came to the hospital and stayed by my side thru many treatments and tests and even surgery, to those who ran in the races for the cure, those who wear Team Adam patches, to those who shared my video, and to all those who couldn’t be here in person for me, but supported my parents and I with hundreds of loving comments from September 2013 when I was first diagnosed to this day. Its been a long fight and I still fight but Im getting better everyday and I thank you for being here for not only me, but also my family. Its not easy having your whole life ahead of you and your dreams of becoming a marine taken away from you. I was 15 years old when doctors walked into my hospital room and told me I had a disease there was no known cure for. Im not sure many kids my age could handle that, let alone grown adults. I was really upset and couldn’t understand why I had done so much good to get told something so bad. Like, what did I ever do to deserve this sentence and why couldn’t it happen to somebody bad instead. But I dealt with it. Sometimes not so good either. But most times I just kept hoping somebody was going to balance the tables back out for me cuz maybe somebody somewhere didnt think it was fair either. But that thinking didnt last long. I remember one night laying in the hospital. I was in so much pain. I couldn’t take it anymore and I looked at my momma and said “please just let me die…cuz I cant take this anymore.” I knew I had hurt her and I knew she couldn’t feel what I was feeling inside. I thought maybe if her and my dad Cyber wasnt paying so much for me, then maybe my brothers and sisters wouldn’t have to give up things they wanted to try and get me better. That maybe I could also be free of the pain too cuz nothing the doctors were saying was making sense and nothing they were doing was helping even though they promised “this time this is gonna help.” I was over it. This drug. That one. Shooting myself in the gut. Taking oral chemo. Chemo. Thats a real scary word for most, especially a teen. I wanted it all to stop. The promises. The hope. The all night throwing up. The needles. The constant hospital stays. And the faces I could see were trying to be brave for me so I told my momma all this and she said “fight son…you keep fighting you hear me because we’re gonna beat this one day and these doctors don’t know everything…and when you feel like giving up on them…give up on them, not you…use your voice and tell them what you want…and whatever you decide Im gonna stand with you…I promise you that son.” My momma never once decided for me. I was a major part of every decision. There were times I went against her advice on the drugs and refused to do anything natural because even if it was only temporary relief from the pain, at least the doctors could shoot morphine in my veins and make it stop. I could breathe again. Think again. Even sleep again for a minute. You may not know what its like to have crohns disease. There’s different forms of it. I had it in my terminal ileum, my colon, my intestines, and my stomach walls. I had it so bad it bent my appendix. I threw up blood often. I went from 160 pounds to 98 pounds in less than two months. I wasnt able to go to school my entire freshman year for risk of infection having a compromised immune system. In fact, I barely had one at all so most couldn’t even visit me. But I promised my momma and myself I would fight. I allowed the doctors to make me sicker on a newer drug after the others failed in hopes I would get a stem cell transplant. My mom was scared. Heck I was scared. We read everything. We knew it could cause lymphoma, heart failure, and even death. My mom was furious and even though she didnt want me on it, I had to try it. Anything to make it easier. It made me sick. Really sick. I couldn’t walk some days. Sometimes I woke up and couldn’t even see. And my joints hurt right along with headaches so bad nothing took them away. Vomiting everyday. I remember it got so bad that I was scared to even drink water. But it was my choice to keep going. And then that failed too. I wasnt gonna get the transplant. Do you know what its like to go thru all of that for almost two months daily on that drug and have a room full of doctors look at you, now I was 16 then, a kid who believed doctors were there to help you, and be told “unless you’re on your death bed, that’s the only way we’re giving it to you because we’ll have nothing to lose anyways if you die.” I am 16 years old. I got angry. More angry than I’d ever felt and I said “let me outta here cuz now Im done with all of you. You aint sticking no feeding tube in me and that is that!” I remember them telling my momma I shouldn’t be allowed to choose this. And I remember my momma standing up in that room with tears in her eyes after hearing that this drug failed too and the shock they looked at me and said this to me and she pointed to the door to all of them standing there and said “Get out of this room and if you come back in here for any reason other than to hand me his discharge papers, you’re gonna need security!” And we left after she had them write on the paperwork the humira failed. We talked for hours the next day. We looked at many experimental treatments, research studies coming up, and even out of country places to get help. She never gave up on me. Y’all never gave up on me. And to that person who said “try this”….thank you. Its working. How long? I don’t know. No one knows. But I know this. Im going back to school this fall. I run everyday. Im now back up to my pre-diagnosis weight again. And I haven’t been in that type of pain for months now. My mom? Yeah, she freaks if I cough. Lol. But that’s my momma and she’s my queen in all of this for never leaving my side. Not once. Not one day. Not one minute. And all of you too I wanted to say thank you to in my own words. I canceled my own benefit. Not because it wasnt very thoughtful of everyone, but I was taught to never take anything you don’t need. And right now I don’t need it. If this method fails and I don’t stay in remission and need it in the future, then I know I can count on all of you to be here again. And P.S…Im getting back on my motorcycle again next weekend. That was a promise I made to me.

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